Edwardo Crum's Official Blogging Page

Obviously the TSA agents have been given poor directions. Nuns, ladies with prosthetic knees and hot young women (in some cases this is the same person) should not be the target of obtrusive pre-boarding inspections. Common sense suggests that people likely to make bombs and bring them on airplanes are the ones we should be checking before they get on... My solution is simple. Just ask everyone politely, "Are you planning to blow up this airplane?" It seems as though the current administration completely trusts men who would likely build/carry a bomb aboard an airplane, since these are the men who are intentionally not checked. Therefore, logically, to ensure safety for the flying public, just ask. I even came up with a name for the new policy; Don't ask... wait a minute, that might not work.

It's kinda funny how Peter will say something that so closely ties into something that's been on my mind. Last week he told me that he wanted to make a film about spiders, Black Widows to be precise. He has this weird fear that a Black Widow is hiding under the toilet seat, just waiting for him to sit down. He goes so far as to lift the toilet seat and do a visual inspection every time he uses the restroom. Of course this phobia has spread to other areas of his life as well; shaking out towels before use, banging shoes together and of course the Maria Von Trapp nightly bed check. Peter wants to make his "Jaws" by exorcising his fear of Black Widows, while at the same time imposing that fear upon the viewer.

This whole story ties into something that has interested me for quite some time: There have been recent advancements in the study of spider ingestion over the past 3 or 4 years. You've probably heard the numbers, on average each American swallows 12 spiders in their sleep per year. That's one of those statistics that most people believe is just an urban myth. Of course we tell ourselves that, otherwise we'd be a nation of insomniacs. I bring this up because just last Thursday I woke up in the morning with that dry, gritty sensation in my mouth. Sure enough, I Googled the symptoms and it means I not only swallowed, but obviously chewed on a spider while I slept (most likely a Western Wolf spider based on the tangy aftertaste). The recent studies conducted by some very prestigious universities have sought to explain why spiders are eaten in such high quantities. The first conclusion these studies reached is that in all reality 12 spiders per person per year isn't really a whole lot. Considering that there are approximately 17,373 spiders (of every species) per person on the planet, you'd almost expect the ingestion numbers to be higher. At the same time, people don't swallow many Ladybugs, Inchworms or Dragonflies either, so why spiders? The answer is actually much more obvious than you might have expected. The self-image of the spider has been eroded considerably by popular American culture. The result is that the instances of Acute Depression in spiders has been rising exponentially since the late 1950s. Spiders are actually throwing themselves into our throats, taking "the easy way out". I know what you're thinking; "this is horrible, but what can I do?" The truth is that there is no one solution, no silver bullet to this problem. Some people think that making comments like, "don't kill spiders, they eat a lot of bugs" is enough. But that's like saying "don't make fun of Italians, they make good sauce". Spiders don't want to be judged on what they can do, rather they want to be appreciated for who they are. So the next time you wake up in the middle of the night and you see an eight-legged friend dangling inches above your mouth, whisper some words of encouragement, and talk that little guy down.

So Peter called me up last night, primarily to whine about his Calculus class. Between all the complaints and sobbing, I was able to retrieve one interesting piece of information; Calculus is the study of motion.

This got me to thinking. People like to say that you can only be in one place at a time. I would argue that it is actually impossible to only be in one place at a time. Think about it, if you are one place one moment, and someplace else the next (while you are walking for example), where were you in the moment between? Obviously (depending on acceleration) you were smack dab in between your two points. Here's where it gets tricky. At what point are you ever really in just one place? If time can be divided into an infinite number of smaller pieces, then linear space (in the case of walking) would also have to be addressed proportionately. That would all be true if we lived in this theoretical vacuum of a world, but fortunately for us there are Natural Laws that state that time is constantly moving forward. While you're trying to divide time into an infinite number of small pieces, time has passed by, theryby decreasing the amount of time by a measurable factor (making it less than infinity). So now we are able to plug a constant fraction into the "time" portion of our equation, leaving the number of spacial positions our body has been in at infinity. The logical outcome of this process proves that our bodies are always in motion. At a measurable moment (we'll call it x) our body is in two distinct places (-a- and -b-) at the same time. Of course this explains why pictures look all fuzzy when someone is running. It really gets interesting when you start looking at fighter planes and bullwhips, but we'll talk about that at a later point.

Others talk.
Jon does.

I am faced with a predicament.

I have examined the Internet and I have come up with its four basic categories. Every website, every posting falls into one of these four groups.

1. Garbage

2. Entertainment

3. Information

4. All of the above.

The predicament is this; although in theory all of these categories should exist, the only one that really does is #1.

As the famous episode of Seinfeld addresses, "if it's been in the trash, it's trash". Is it possible for anything "Internet" to be unsoiled by the overwhelming refuse heap that the vast majority of the Internet is? I tend to go to the same sites day after day. These sites most efficiently update me on the specific subjects I am interested in. Yet I am acutely aware that wasting my time in the most efficient manner is still wasting my time. Of course I do have some ideas on how to solve this predicament of mine: Perhaps if thoughtful, intelligent, upright men and women would create their own Internet. A place where only uplifting ideas and messages would be shared. A place where wisdom met knowledge. Like a virtual library/church/classroom... Unfortunately, you, the masses couldn't be allowed in. We'd have very strict access policies. Seriously, if I posted a blog about the detrimental effects of Transcendentalism on modern society, and one of you wrote in the response section; "I don't like Transcendentalists because I prefer straight people working on my teeth!" Well, you can see how the whole thing would break down very quickly. For now I guess I'll just have to trudge through this stinking pile of putrescence that we so coyly call "the Internet".

I like how we're a country made up of millions of individuals. Each person has his or her unique point of view. Every single person in this great land of ours has their own opinions about politics, cultural events, personal relationships and the general state of the world. I also like how each of those millions of people have exactly the same amount of clout in determining the course of this wonderful country. Of course the dirty little secret is that they all have absolutely no power whatsoever. Think about the logic of it. If there are a few at the top with all the power, why in the world would any of them divide that power into millions of little pieces? Let's say a congressman from Iowa were to actually listen to his constituents, and use their input in his decision process. That would be like throwing away perfectly decent power, and for what? To make those he represents feel good? Ridiculous! You all should be relieved that you don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. What a burden it lifts when you realize that you don't count, you don't make a difference. It's not your fault that Obama got elected, heck even if you and fifteen of your best friends had voted ten times for the other guy it wouldn't have changed the outcome. I know, I know, you've been told all your life that it's a responsibility to vote. It's your God-given right to participate in the system of government. If that makes you feel better, then keep on believing it, what harm could it do. But if you want to be truly free, then let go of that antiquated notion and revel in your impotence.

Oh yeah, but make sure to watch American Idol starting tonight and remember; every vote counts!