Edwardo Crum's Official Blogging Page

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... Repeat ad nauseam. Didn't this all happen already? Maybe it's because I'm getting old that I'm really beginning to see a pattern. Don't be a comedian, of course I know that the seasons are cyclical, I'm not talking about that per se. What I mean is everything is staying the same, over and over again. It's like an infinite amount of deja vu or something. Here's what I'm talking about; work, television, sunsets, mustaches, Christmas lights, breeze, Starbucks, car commercials, Pumpkins and of course baseball. There isn't really anything wrong with any of these things of course, it's just that it's all been done before... Can't we get something new? Hopefully anyone who is fortunate enough to stumble across this blog will experience a sense of something new just by reading what I have written. Unfortunately for me I'm just sitting here doing the same old, same old. Eluo revolvo.

Peter and I were discussing the new Batman movie the other day, kind of making fun of the whole "brick" scene. Does Batman really need to shoot up a bunch of bricks to find out that Joker is the bad guy, give me a break! Anyways, I kind of hope this "CSI" trend makes it out of movies real soon. We already know you can read the writing on a golf ball encased in concrete sunk in a crater full of lava, from outer space... So filmmkers don't need to show us some geek clicking a mouse for ten minutes just to discover that it was Mr. Mustard in the Conservatory with the Lead Pipe. This line of thought got me thinking, and I took it a step further; not only does every movie have the "CSI" moment, every movie also has the "Smart guy outsmarting the technology" moment. Like all you need to get through a fingerprint scan is a severed hand, all you need for the retina scan is some cool contacts, and everyone knows how to fake a DNA scan by now... So I decided to create a new, unbreakable scan, and what I came up with was the S.O.U.S. It's in the process of being patented right now, so don't try to steal it or anything. What I can say about it is that it's based on the scientific principle that everyone has a unique urine stream. I don't want to bog you down with the specifics, but can you imagine how much money I'm going to make? The finger is so easily removed, the retina can be captured with your typical digital camera, and DNA is everywhere (didn't you see that disgusting 20/20 special?) But don't even think of trying to copy someones urine stream, it's just not possible.

Things just ain't the same for gangsters. Times is changin'... Ain't it the truth!

The good old days are gone, and we are in the midst of the bad new days. Nothing is as good as it used to be, why can't things just go back to how they were? Change isn't good, it's just different, and usually different is bad.

Up 'till now you probably think I'm just writing to see the words appear on the screen, but hold on, I do have a point; There used to be Samurai, Yeomen, Cowboys, Magistrates, and Gangsters. Is the world better off now that they're gone? No way! Think of the variety in professions that there used to be. Now everbody has a cell phone, a car and some shoes. What is that? How will history remember us? Will kids 200 years from now have anything cool to talk about when they think of us?

Kid #1 "Hey Jeffrey, do you want to go out back and play 'Statistician' with me?"

Kid #2 "Don't be such a dweeb Trent, you know only girls play games like that, let's pretend we're Researchers!"

Kid #1 "Alright, I'm going to try to discover how to color hair, so that even your hairdresser wouldn't know it's not your natural color!"

Kid #2 "Man! I wish we really did live back in the zeros!"

Let's just say this conversation will never take place. Perhaps I should just bow down to the social pressures and accept my place in time. Or, I could continue to idealize when things were all awesome and every job was an adventure. It would have been so cool to be one of those guys who got to sharpen the guillotine, I heard they were like the rock stars of their day!

I don't even know why I bother. I might as well post this rant over on some forum discussing how to use your cell phone to promote mating rituals of whippoorwills. I could make some comments about how much I despise Facebook that might help you understand why I feel this way, but what's the use? My basic point is this; where is the Crum? Maybe you didn't read that right. Where is the Crum? Ya, that's what I said. You're all like "Here he goes again! Just more of the same!" And I'm like, what's wrong with that? Maybe when I read your blogs I'm not looking for some revelation or some epiphany. I just want to know what's going on in your life. I've said it before and I'll say it until I'm blue in the face; what Crums do while there not doing anything is infinitely more interesting than anyone else on their best day. I don't mean to pick on Jon, but like what happened next? And Thomas, what can I say? Maybe Pop called this one right and is ahead of the curve... Do I want to have you all blogging over here in the old-school blogging world for selfish reasons? Sure. It's been made clear that I'm not wanted in the hip Facebook world. Just remember this: One day, and it won't be long, that place too will loose its luster and everyone will be off to the newfangled site where you can brush your teeth, flirt with guys who are pretending to be girls half their age, and test you Pearl Jam trivia I.Q. all at the same time. As for me, I'm keeping the Crum right here where it belongs.

Peter emailed me this photo on Saturday, and I just had to post it for the world to see and laugh at. He was asking my opoinion on which look he should "sport" at Matt's wedding. I wrote back and suggested that Matt would probably appreciate that he just avoid facial hair altogether considering these horrific options. Hopefully no one reading this has made the mistake of keeping a goatee, considering that it is a well known fact that Satan has a goatee. It's kind of that look that says "I'm not clean shaven, but I must break the Old Testament law of taking a razor to my face as well..." Then there's the mustache, unless you can pull off a Hercule Poirot perfectly groomed work of art, then please avoid the 'stache. Anyways, most people should avoid making statements using facial hair, and if you don't know where you stand concerning this, then you are one of those people. Please don't write directly to Peter regarding this post, it is far better to leave a public comment that will last forever.