Edwardo Crum's Official Blogging Page

So Peter called me up last night, primarily to whine about his Calculus class. Between all the complaints and sobbing, I was able to retrieve one interesting piece of information; Calculus is the study of motion.

This got me to thinking. People like to say that you can only be in one place at a time. I would argue that it is actually impossible to only be in one place at a time. Think about it, if you are one place one moment, and someplace else the next (while you are walking for example), where were you in the moment between? Obviously (depending on acceleration) you were smack dab in between your two points. Here's where it gets tricky. At what point are you ever really in just one place? If time can be divided into an infinite number of smaller pieces, then linear space (in the case of walking) would also have to be addressed proportionately. That would all be true if we lived in this theoretical vacuum of a world, but fortunately for us there are Natural Laws that state that time is constantly moving forward. While you're trying to divide time into an infinite number of small pieces, time has passed by, theryby decreasing the amount of time by a measurable factor (making it less than infinity). So now we are able to plug a constant fraction into the "time" portion of our equation, leaving the number of spacial positions our body has been in at infinity. The logical outcome of this process proves that our bodies are always in motion. At a measurable moment (we'll call it x) our body is in two distinct places (-a- and -b-) at the same time. Of course this explains why pictures look all fuzzy when someone is running. It really gets interesting when you start looking at fighter planes and bullwhips, but we'll talk about that at a later point.

Others talk.
Jon does.

I am faced with a predicament.

I have examined the Internet and I have come up with its four basic categories. Every website, every posting falls into one of these four groups.

1. Garbage

2. Entertainment

3. Information

4. All of the above.

The predicament is this; although in theory all of these categories should exist, the only one that really does is #1.

As the famous episode of Seinfeld addresses, "if it's been in the trash, it's trash". Is it possible for anything "Internet" to be unsoiled by the overwhelming refuse heap that the vast majority of the Internet is? I tend to go to the same sites day after day. These sites most efficiently update me on the specific subjects I am interested in. Yet I am acutely aware that wasting my time in the most efficient manner is still wasting my time. Of course I do have some ideas on how to solve this predicament of mine: Perhaps if thoughtful, intelligent, upright men and women would create their own Internet. A place where only uplifting ideas and messages would be shared. A place where wisdom met knowledge. Like a virtual library/church/classroom... Unfortunately, you, the masses couldn't be allowed in. We'd have very strict access policies. Seriously, if I posted a blog about the detrimental effects of Transcendentalism on modern society, and one of you wrote in the response section; "I don't like Transcendentalists because I prefer straight people working on my teeth!" Well, you can see how the whole thing would break down very quickly. For now I guess I'll just have to trudge through this stinking pile of putrescence that we so coyly call "the Internet".

I like how we're a country made up of millions of individuals. Each person has his or her unique point of view. Every single person in this great land of ours has their own opinions about politics, cultural events, personal relationships and the general state of the world. I also like how each of those millions of people have exactly the same amount of clout in determining the course of this wonderful country. Of course the dirty little secret is that they all have absolutely no power whatsoever. Think about the logic of it. If there are a few at the top with all the power, why in the world would any of them divide that power into millions of little pieces? Let's say a congressman from Iowa were to actually listen to his constituents, and use their input in his decision process. That would be like throwing away perfectly decent power, and for what? To make those he represents feel good? Ridiculous! You all should be relieved that you don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. What a burden it lifts when you realize that you don't count, you don't make a difference. It's not your fault that Obama got elected, heck even if you and fifteen of your best friends had voted ten times for the other guy it wouldn't have changed the outcome. I know, I know, you've been told all your life that it's a responsibility to vote. It's your God-given right to participate in the system of government. If that makes you feel better, then keep on believing it, what harm could it do. But if you want to be truly free, then let go of that antiquated notion and revel in your impotence.

Oh yeah, but make sure to watch American Idol starting tonight and remember; every vote counts!

Based on the main female character's appearance in the new movie "Avatar", I'm guessing it's pretty cold there on Pandora (and I'm not referring to her blueness).

I can imagine the Directors Commentary on the Blu-Ray release this coming summer...
JC: "So I was sitting on my leather couch 14 years ago, watching my laserdisc copy of "Dances With Wolves" on my big screen, front projection JVC television, and I was thinking to myself, 'this movie just doesn't go far enough in capturing how much I just hate white people!'."

I really enjoyed that Cameron didn't stop there, he made a point to take every movie he ripped off to the next level... Star Wars and that whole force thing is just the tip of the iceberg (no Titanic reference meant) to what he does with his whole mother-earth religion thing here in "Avatar".

I enjoyed the references to humans having already destroyed Earth by not being green enough. It's always refreshing to hear Hollywood types harp on us repetitively about something that has just recently been shown to be a hoax. Timeless. Maybe if they keep saying it and beating us over the head with it, it'll make it true.

Can I get back to that "it must be cold on Pandora" idea, do you realize that I was referring to a specific feature of the tall blue women I noticed while watching the movie with Rob and Peter last night.

If you hate America, if you hate white people, if you hate Capitalism, is that how you become a Hollywood director?

My favorite scene from the movie "Avatar" was when Jake (the main character) was flying for the first time on the huge pterodactyl-like creature. I was thinking; not only does he have the biggest, baddest pterodactyl, but he got one with the coolest colors, red with black racing stripes... Sweet!

There is a time and a place for a gentle word.
So often it is best to overlook an insult and move on with your life.
Although it isn't easy, being the bigger person has lasting rewards.
Listen patiently, with an open mind before drawing any conclusions.
As a general rule people deserve the benefit of the doubt.
Forgiveness is a trait of great character.
There is a time and a place for baseball bats.

For the last month I've been using the AdSense service that Google offers here for us bloggers. After much consideration I decided to unsubscribe from this service, and I think it is only right for me to explain myself... I was making so much money with this scheme that it was blinding me from what I originally set out to do. It was actually difficult to separate my journalistic integrity from my capitalistic ambitions. When you read one of my blogs you should find yourself sitting there at your desk half an hour later, just staring at the screen, frozen in sheer awe of the words of wisdom that your mind is still attempting to wrap itself around. Unfortunately I was being tempted to write things that might be interesting to the general populace, or even stoop as low as to post a video. Don't get me wrong, I never acted upon any of these impulses, but as they say, it's better to cut off the fingers than to allow them to type drivel for the masses. I have decided not to send back all the money I made, instead I am using it to build a headquarters for my new media foundation. My hope is that the good it will be able to accomplish will outweigh the evil that I may have been so close to befalling. And to all those over the last month who saw advertisements for Fred Savage's orthopedic socks on this page, I apologize.

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... Repeat ad nauseam. Didn't this all happen already? Maybe it's because I'm getting old that I'm really beginning to see a pattern. Don't be a comedian, of course I know that the seasons are cyclical, I'm not talking about that per se. What I mean is everything is staying the same, over and over again. It's like an infinite amount of deja vu or something. Here's what I'm talking about; work, television, sunsets, mustaches, Christmas lights, breeze, Starbucks, car commercials, Pumpkins and of course baseball. There isn't really anything wrong with any of these things of course, it's just that it's all been done before... Can't we get something new? Hopefully anyone who is fortunate enough to stumble across this blog will experience a sense of something new just by reading what I have written. Unfortunately for me I'm just sitting here doing the same old, same old. Eluo revolvo.

Peter and I were discussing the new Batman movie the other day, kind of making fun of the whole "brick" scene. Does Batman really need to shoot up a bunch of bricks to find out that Joker is the bad guy, give me a break! Anyways, I kind of hope this "CSI" trend makes it out of movies real soon. We already know you can read the writing on a golf ball encased in concrete sunk in a crater full of lava, from outer space... So filmmkers don't need to show us some geek clicking a mouse for ten minutes just to discover that it was Mr. Mustard in the Conservatory with the Lead Pipe. This line of thought got me thinking, and I took it a step further; not only does every movie have the "CSI" moment, every movie also has the "Smart guy outsmarting the technology" moment. Like all you need to get through a fingerprint scan is a severed hand, all you need for the retina scan is some cool contacts, and everyone knows how to fake a DNA scan by now... So I decided to create a new, unbreakable scan, and what I came up with was the S.O.U.S. It's in the process of being patented right now, so don't try to steal it or anything. What I can say about it is that it's based on the scientific principle that everyone has a unique urine stream. I don't want to bog you down with the specifics, but can you imagine how much money I'm going to make? The finger is so easily removed, the retina can be captured with your typical digital camera, and DNA is everywhere (didn't you see that disgusting 20/20 special?) But don't even think of trying to copy someones urine stream, it's just not possible.

Things just ain't the same for gangsters. Times is changin'... Ain't it the truth!

The good old days are gone, and we are in the midst of the bad new days. Nothing is as good as it used to be, why can't things just go back to how they were? Change isn't good, it's just different, and usually different is bad.

Up 'till now you probably think I'm just writing to see the words appear on the screen, but hold on, I do have a point; There used to be Samurai, Yeomen, Cowboys, Magistrates, and Gangsters. Is the world better off now that they're gone? No way! Think of the variety in professions that there used to be. Now everbody has a cell phone, a car and some shoes. What is that? How will history remember us? Will kids 200 years from now have anything cool to talk about when they think of us?

Kid #1 "Hey Jeffrey, do you want to go out back and play 'Statistician' with me?"

Kid #2 "Don't be such a dweeb Trent, you know only girls play games like that, let's pretend we're Researchers!"

Kid #1 "Alright, I'm going to try to discover how to color hair, so that even your hairdresser wouldn't know it's not your natural color!"

Kid #2 "Man! I wish we really did live back in the zeros!"

Let's just say this conversation will never take place. Perhaps I should just bow down to the social pressures and accept my place in time. Or, I could continue to idealize when things were all awesome and every job was an adventure. It would have been so cool to be one of those guys who got to sharpen the guillotine, I heard they were like the rock stars of their day!

I don't even know why I bother. I might as well post this rant over on some forum discussing how to use your cell phone to promote mating rituals of whippoorwills. I could make some comments about how much I despise Facebook that might help you understand why I feel this way, but what's the use? My basic point is this; where is the Crum? Maybe you didn't read that right. Where is the Crum? Ya, that's what I said. You're all like "Here he goes again! Just more of the same!" And I'm like, what's wrong with that? Maybe when I read your blogs I'm not looking for some revelation or some epiphany. I just want to know what's going on in your life. I've said it before and I'll say it until I'm blue in the face; what Crums do while there not doing anything is infinitely more interesting than anyone else on their best day. I don't mean to pick on Jon, but like what happened next? And Thomas, what can I say? Maybe Pop called this one right and is ahead of the curve... Do I want to have you all blogging over here in the old-school blogging world for selfish reasons? Sure. It's been made clear that I'm not wanted in the hip Facebook world. Just remember this: One day, and it won't be long, that place too will loose its luster and everyone will be off to the newfangled site where you can brush your teeth, flirt with guys who are pretending to be girls half their age, and test you Pearl Jam trivia I.Q. all at the same time. As for me, I'm keeping the Crum right here where it belongs.

Peter emailed me this photo on Saturday, and I just had to post it for the world to see and laugh at. He was asking my opoinion on which look he should "sport" at Matt's wedding. I wrote back and suggested that Matt would probably appreciate that he just avoid facial hair altogether considering these horrific options. Hopefully no one reading this has made the mistake of keeping a goatee, considering that it is a well known fact that Satan has a goatee. It's kind of that look that says "I'm not clean shaven, but I must break the Old Testament law of taking a razor to my face as well..." Then there's the mustache, unless you can pull off a Hercule Poirot perfectly groomed work of art, then please avoid the 'stache. Anyways, most people should avoid making statements using facial hair, and if you don't know where you stand concerning this, then you are one of those people. Please don't write directly to Peter regarding this post, it is far better to leave a public comment that will last forever.

I was sitting here contemplating what to blog about. At first I came up with "Profanity", then I realized I'd already explored that back with the whole "Smurf" discussion. Next I came up with an idea called "A Swift Kick to the Head", but I wan't sure what it was going to be about, so I scratched that title. Then I thought "Emory" or "My Brothers Are Awesome!" , but the first one didn't make much sense, and the second one is so obvious as to be unnecessary. I ended up with the title "Loosing Touch" mostly because as I think back over my history as a blogger, I think that I've lost touch with what it means to blog. I noticed that Jon is over there with a truly interesting serial approach to blogging which is captivating and entertaining. What in the world is he doing?! I though the whole point of this internet crap was to waste as much of other people's time as possible. I like the idea of attempting to waste as much time in as little time as I can. "Waste Efficiency" is what I like to call it. Like this blog for example, everyone who is reading it is expecting, at least is hoping for some thoughtful insights, a word of wisdom, maybe a humorous story, and then a nice tidy conclusion. Well let me tell you; you'll get none of that here today. Perhaps next time I'll try to be funny, or maybe I'll share something that's been on my mind for a while, but today you get this and only this.

I know I'm not alone in this, but I think the iphone is the coolest single electronic device to come down the pike in the last thirty years. What pisses me off is this; why the high cost for cool? Why can't cool be affordable? Of course this thought reminds me of that part in "Fight Club" where Brad Pitt is taking Ed Norton to task for allowing possessions to define him. Why do I think the iphone is so cool? Why do I want one so badly? Why? I could give you the geeky, techno answer; phone, video ipod, internet device, touch screen, etc... Perhaps it's the automatic status symbol, the fact that they are expensive and so unnecassary. I was talking to Peter the other day, and what he said is that he's been intentionally holding out on buying any ipod, because he thought eventually they would come out with a combo device. For him, if he's got to carry a cell phone, he might as well have an integrated ipod so that he's not adding a device to his already full pockets. The news that the baseline iphone costs $500, and then on top of his current AT&T service he'd have to pay $20/month just to use his iphone (that's $240/year or $480/2 year contract) bringing the total for an iphone over two years to almost $1,000. Then you factor in that Peter is really hard on cell phones, currently his outer display doesn't work, the camera takes pictures that look like they're underwater, and there is a fine layer of dust inside the main display. Anyways, my point is that if he's going to buy another cell phone it better be a little more hardy than the one he's already got, and perhaps the iphone isn't the way to go. So it's expensive, it's flimsy, it's a glaring example of materialsim, plus it's super lame. Maybe I don't want an iphone after all.

I was just reading Peter's most recent post. He said something about how all kids are different, and that really irritated me. Where does someone get off making a blanket statement like that. That's almost as bad as suggesting that no two snowflakes are alike. Trillions and trillions of snowflakes have fallen in just the past week. Has anyone compared even a small percentage of those snowflakes? Personally I would suggest that there are probably only like ten or fifteen different snowflake patterns, and all snowflakes are almost exactly alike. Seriously, scientists are like the laziest bunch of people on the planet, posssibly even in the universe. I can imagine the discussion that took place durring a recent textbook creation session: (although I really hate to use the word "creation" around scientists).

Scientist 1. "Hey, when we make this next chapter, the one about patterns and all that crap, maybe we should start out by using the Snowflake Analogy."

Scientist 2. "That's a great one! Isn't it amazing how there are no two snowflakes alike, ever?!

Scientist 3. "Ya! I've never seen two of the same snowflake."

Scientist 1. "Neither have I."

Scientist 2. "Nor have I, so that means it must be true, we defintely should include the Snowflake Analogy!"

I think I've made my point abundantly clear. So if there is definitive proof that most snowflakes are almost exactly the same, then we must conlude that there are a bunch of children exactly the same too. When you see your kid make that cute scrunchy look with her nose, just remember, you're not alone.

I talked this one over with Peter, I was like "hey man, I don't want to like poach on your territory or anything, but there's this sweet movie coming out that I want to talk about!" Peter was like "It's you're blog dude, just do whatever you want, I don't give a..." Well I could kind of tell that this irratated him, but I know he doesn't like talking about movies until he's seen them, so I was like "Pete, you don't mind if I call you Pete right? I'm going to write about this movie whether you like it or not. You need to pull it together and realize other people have opinions too." Needless to say, he stomped off and I think he's still pouting, what's you going to do, right...

"Black Snake Moan" is a great idea. Hopefully the actual movie delivers on the promise of the trailer. Samuel L. Jackson picks up where his Jules Winfeild character from "Pulp Fiction" left off... An older man, living a quiet life in the rural south steps outside one day to find a troubled young woman in need of help. Perhaps the trailer gives too much away, but it sure seems like an original idea, and what better casting could you ask for?

My guess is that opening day, Peter will be at the theater, and soon thereafter you'll get some long winded review on how he was dissapointed because the lighting reminded him more of "Reservior Dogs" than "Pulp Fiction"... I'll be like "Get a life Pete, that movie was awesome, stop being such a square (as I draw a square with my two index fingers in the air).

Now I must warn you that this post may rub some of you the wrong way. Of course if I intended to make everyone happy I would be talking about puppies and springtime, so obviously your reaction to this blog is not really all that high on my list. Nevertheless, you are still reading at this point, so I will try to be as gentle as possible, just not to anyone who really likes Sandra Bullock. Actually, I don't really have anything against Sandra (I'm just going to call her Sandra from here on out because there's not really anything anybody can do to stop me). My gripe is more with her judgement in the choices of movies that she is making. Perhaps she really trusts her agent, and her agent is making these decisions, but ultimately Sandra must be held accountable. I just saw the DVD of "The Lake House" a few weeks ago, and just the other day I saw a trailer for "Premonition". In both movies she plays a character tangled in the web of time. In both movies she finds that time is not on her side. Now for all I know, "Premonition" is going to be the best movie of 2007, and Sandra's going to get her Oscar. I hope she does. Unfortunately I have already seen "The Lake House" and I have absolutely nothing nice to say about it. Well maybe I liked Sandra's character, and maybe it was nice to see Keanu and Sandra back together, since "Speed" was a fun movie, and their chemistry was good in that movie. Maybe I liked the,.. No! I'm not going to do this! This is neither the time nor the place to be writing commentaries on film. My point is that Sandra just made a movie about twists in time, and she shouldn't do more of the same. The only way this would work, is if it turns out to be part of a trilogy. In the third movie, Sandra finds that she has already made a movie about wrinkles in time, or has she really? Maybe this is her first movie about love seperated by eons, she just thinks she's already made two of them. It could take place while she's filming "While You Were Sleeping", and it's her who wakes up from the coma, to find herself... Well you get the point, I don't want to give away the ending. Now if she reads this, and takes a little bit of action, she'll get that Oscar.

Are there any original ideas?
Isn't everything we think
and say a product of an
enviornment that was
created by others?
Seriously, if we honestly
aknowledged all of our
sources, our citations
would far outweigh the
material itself.
Back in High School they
tried to teach us to use our
own words, why would
you use your own words
when someone else has
better words?
Johnny's in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kid
It's somethin' you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new friend
The man in the coon-skin cap
In the big pen
Wants eleven dollar bills
You only got ten
Maggie comes fleet foot
Face full of black soot
Talkin' that the heat put
Plants in the bed but
The phone's tapped anyway
Maggie says that many say
They must bust in early May
Orders from the D. A.
Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes
Don't try "No Doz"
Better stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You don't need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows
Get sick, get well
Hang around a ink well
Ring bell, hard to tell
If anything is goin' to sell
Try hard, get barred
Get back, write braille
Get jailed, jump bail
Join the army, if you fail
Look out kid
You're gonna get hit
But users, cheaters
Six-time losers
Hang around the theaters
Girl by the whirlpool
Lookin' for a new fool
Don't follow leaders
Watch the parkin' meters
Ah get born, keep warm
Short pants, romance, learn to dance
Get dressed, get blessed
Try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts
Don't steal, don't lift
Twenty years of schoolin'
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
They keep it all hid
Better jump down a manhole
Light yourself a candle
Don't wear sandals
Try to avoid the scandals
Don't wanna be a bum
You better chew gum
The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles

It's good to be Edwardo, and here's why: My mind is my own. Now I know what you're all saying, or thinking (hopefully you're not talking to yourself, but if there are others in the room I completely understand that you would be reading my blog aloud, as everyone would surely be interested to hear what I have written), you feel as though your mind is your own as well. I sense some doubt and hesitation in your response. Perhaps you even have some sort of ideological explination for not really thinking that your mind is your own, or maybe you truly are in denial and at this moment do believe that your mind is your own. I know better. You see, I was just at this new Sprite web site, now it doesn't really matter where I just was or what site it was, what does matter is that I'm here now, and so are you. The thing is, that even though we're both here (or all of us, if there are others listening to your narration), I am somewhere else as well. I mean while your mind is devoted to reading my blog, mine is off galavanting or something, perhaps I'm even sleeping right now. I may be the first person to realize that I can be at two places at one time, which only strengthens my case for my mind being my own. I feel saddened by the thought that most likely you will either sit and contemplate, or debate amongst those there with you about what I have said, but unfortunately I can not be there with you. You see, I'm somewhere else too right now, and I've got more important things to think about. Goodnight.

Being that this is my ninth blogging entry thing, I thought it would be fitting to comment on the number nine... How many times was Ferris absent in the past semester? Nine times! Nine times?... Nine times. Or, how about the song that begins "number nine, number nine, number nine..." I just recently listened to Revolution 9 for the first time, backwards. The last thirty seconds or so hint at what could have been an amazing Beatles song that as far as I know was never made, listen closely. Of course nine upside down is six, and six upside down is nine and so on and so forth, it's like a "magical" number or something... and get this, if you multiply nine by any other whole number, that sum will be divisible by nine... every time, seriously. Try it, you'll see.