Edwardo Crum's Official Blogging Page

There is a time and a place for a gentle word.
So often it is best to overlook an insult and move on with your life.
Although it isn't easy, being the bigger person has lasting rewards.
Listen patiently, with an open mind before drawing any conclusions.
As a general rule people deserve the benefit of the doubt.
Forgiveness is a trait of great character.
There is a time and a place for baseball bats.

For the last month I've been using the AdSense service that Google offers here for us bloggers. After much consideration I decided to unsubscribe from this service, and I think it is only right for me to explain myself... I was making so much money with this scheme that it was blinding me from what I originally set out to do. It was actually difficult to separate my journalistic integrity from my capitalistic ambitions. When you read one of my blogs you should find yourself sitting there at your desk half an hour later, just staring at the screen, frozen in sheer awe of the words of wisdom that your mind is still attempting to wrap itself around. Unfortunately I was being tempted to write things that might be interesting to the general populace, or even stoop as low as to post a video. Don't get me wrong, I never acted upon any of these impulses, but as they say, it's better to cut off the fingers than to allow them to type drivel for the masses. I have decided not to send back all the money I made, instead I am using it to build a headquarters for my new media foundation. My hope is that the good it will be able to accomplish will outweigh the evil that I may have been so close to befalling. And to all those over the last month who saw advertisements for Fred Savage's orthopedic socks on this page, I apologize.

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... Repeat ad nauseam. Didn't this all happen already? Maybe it's because I'm getting old that I'm really beginning to see a pattern. Don't be a comedian, of course I know that the seasons are cyclical, I'm not talking about that per se. What I mean is everything is staying the same, over and over again. It's like an infinite amount of deja vu or something. Here's what I'm talking about; work, television, sunsets, mustaches, Christmas lights, breeze, Starbucks, car commercials, Pumpkins and of course baseball. There isn't really anything wrong with any of these things of course, it's just that it's all been done before... Can't we get something new? Hopefully anyone who is fortunate enough to stumble across this blog will experience a sense of something new just by reading what I have written. Unfortunately for me I'm just sitting here doing the same old, same old. Eluo revolvo.

Peter and I were discussing the new Batman movie the other day, kind of making fun of the whole "brick" scene. Does Batman really need to shoot up a bunch of bricks to find out that Joker is the bad guy, give me a break! Anyways, I kind of hope this "CSI" trend makes it out of movies real soon. We already know you can read the writing on a golf ball encased in concrete sunk in a crater full of lava, from outer space... So filmmkers don't need to show us some geek clicking a mouse for ten minutes just to discover that it was Mr. Mustard in the Conservatory with the Lead Pipe. This line of thought got me thinking, and I took it a step further; not only does every movie have the "CSI" moment, every movie also has the "Smart guy outsmarting the technology" moment. Like all you need to get through a fingerprint scan is a severed hand, all you need for the retina scan is some cool contacts, and everyone knows how to fake a DNA scan by now... So I decided to create a new, unbreakable scan, and what I came up with was the S.O.U.S. It's in the process of being patented right now, so don't try to steal it or anything. What I can say about it is that it's based on the scientific principle that everyone has a unique urine stream. I don't want to bog you down with the specifics, but can you imagine how much money I'm going to make? The finger is so easily removed, the retina can be captured with your typical digital camera, and DNA is everywhere (didn't you see that disgusting 20/20 special?) But don't even think of trying to copy someones urine stream, it's just not possible.

Things just ain't the same for gangsters. Times is changin'... Ain't it the truth!

The good old days are gone, and we are in the midst of the bad new days. Nothing is as good as it used to be, why can't things just go back to how they were? Change isn't good, it's just different, and usually different is bad.

Up 'till now you probably think I'm just writing to see the words appear on the screen, but hold on, I do have a point; There used to be Samurai, Yeomen, Cowboys, Magistrates, and Gangsters. Is the world better off now that they're gone? No way! Think of the variety in professions that there used to be. Now everbody has a cell phone, a car and some shoes. What is that? How will history remember us? Will kids 200 years from now have anything cool to talk about when they think of us?

Kid #1 "Hey Jeffrey, do you want to go out back and play 'Statistician' with me?"

Kid #2 "Don't be such a dweeb Trent, you know only girls play games like that, let's pretend we're Researchers!"

Kid #1 "Alright, I'm going to try to discover how to color hair, so that even your hairdresser wouldn't know it's not your natural color!"

Kid #2 "Man! I wish we really did live back in the zeros!"

Let's just say this conversation will never take place. Perhaps I should just bow down to the social pressures and accept my place in time. Or, I could continue to idealize when things were all awesome and every job was an adventure. It would have been so cool to be one of those guys who got to sharpen the guillotine, I heard they were like the rock stars of their day!

I don't even know why I bother. I might as well post this rant over on some forum discussing how to use your cell phone to promote mating rituals of whippoorwills. I could make some comments about how much I despise Facebook that might help you understand why I feel this way, but what's the use? My basic point is this; where is the Crum? Maybe you didn't read that right. Where is the Crum? Ya, that's what I said. You're all like "Here he goes again! Just more of the same!" And I'm like, what's wrong with that? Maybe when I read your blogs I'm not looking for some revelation or some epiphany. I just want to know what's going on in your life. I've said it before and I'll say it until I'm blue in the face; what Crums do while there not doing anything is infinitely more interesting than anyone else on their best day. I don't mean to pick on Jon, but like what happened next? And Thomas, what can I say? Maybe Pop called this one right and is ahead of the curve... Do I want to have you all blogging over here in the old-school blogging world for selfish reasons? Sure. It's been made clear that I'm not wanted in the hip Facebook world. Just remember this: One day, and it won't be long, that place too will loose its luster and everyone will be off to the newfangled site where you can brush your teeth, flirt with guys who are pretending to be girls half their age, and test you Pearl Jam trivia I.Q. all at the same time. As for me, I'm keeping the Crum right here where it belongs.

Peter emailed me this photo on Saturday, and I just had to post it for the world to see and laugh at. He was asking my opoinion on which look he should "sport" at Matt's wedding. I wrote back and suggested that Matt would probably appreciate that he just avoid facial hair altogether considering these horrific options. Hopefully no one reading this has made the mistake of keeping a goatee, considering that it is a well known fact that Satan has a goatee. It's kind of that look that says "I'm not clean shaven, but I must break the Old Testament law of taking a razor to my face as well..." Then there's the mustache, unless you can pull off a Hercule Poirot perfectly groomed work of art, then please avoid the 'stache. Anyways, most people should avoid making statements using facial hair, and if you don't know where you stand concerning this, then you are one of those people. Please don't write directly to Peter regarding this post, it is far better to leave a public comment that will last forever.

I was sitting here contemplating what to blog about. At first I came up with "Profanity", then I realized I'd already explored that back with the whole "Smurf" discussion. Next I came up with an idea called "A Swift Kick to the Head", but I wan't sure what it was going to be about, so I scratched that title. Then I thought "Emory" or "My Brothers Are Awesome!" , but the first one didn't make much sense, and the second one is so obvious as to be unnecessary. I ended up with the title "Loosing Touch" mostly because as I think back over my history as a blogger, I think that I've lost touch with what it means to blog. I noticed that Jon is over there with a truly interesting serial approach to blogging which is captivating and entertaining. What in the world is he doing?! I though the whole point of this internet crap was to waste as much of other people's time as possible. I like the idea of attempting to waste as much time in as little time as I can. "Waste Efficiency" is what I like to call it. Like this blog for example, everyone who is reading it is expecting, at least is hoping for some thoughtful insights, a word of wisdom, maybe a humorous story, and then a nice tidy conclusion. Well let me tell you; you'll get none of that here today. Perhaps next time I'll try to be funny, or maybe I'll share something that's been on my mind for a while, but today you get this and only this.

I know I'm not alone in this, but I think the iphone is the coolest single electronic device to come down the pike in the last thirty years. What pisses me off is this; why the high cost for cool? Why can't cool be affordable? Of course this thought reminds me of that part in "Fight Club" where Brad Pitt is taking Ed Norton to task for allowing possessions to define him. Why do I think the iphone is so cool? Why do I want one so badly? Why? I could give you the geeky, techno answer; phone, video ipod, internet device, touch screen, etc... Perhaps it's the automatic status symbol, the fact that they are expensive and so unnecassary. I was talking to Peter the other day, and what he said is that he's been intentionally holding out on buying any ipod, because he thought eventually they would come out with a combo device. For him, if he's got to carry a cell phone, he might as well have an integrated ipod so that he's not adding a device to his already full pockets. The news that the baseline iphone costs $500, and then on top of his current AT&T service he'd have to pay $20/month just to use his iphone (that's $240/year or $480/2 year contract) bringing the total for an iphone over two years to almost $1,000. Then you factor in that Peter is really hard on cell phones, currently his outer display doesn't work, the camera takes pictures that look like they're underwater, and there is a fine layer of dust inside the main display. Anyways, my point is that if he's going to buy another cell phone it better be a little more hardy than the one he's already got, and perhaps the iphone isn't the way to go. So it's expensive, it's flimsy, it's a glaring example of materialsim, plus it's super lame. Maybe I don't want an iphone after all.

I was just reading Peter's most recent post. He said something about how all kids are different, and that really irritated me. Where does someone get off making a blanket statement like that. That's almost as bad as suggesting that no two snowflakes are alike. Trillions and trillions of snowflakes have fallen in just the past week. Has anyone compared even a small percentage of those snowflakes? Personally I would suggest that there are probably only like ten or fifteen different snowflake patterns, and all snowflakes are almost exactly alike. Seriously, scientists are like the laziest bunch of people on the planet, posssibly even in the universe. I can imagine the discussion that took place durring a recent textbook creation session: (although I really hate to use the word "creation" around scientists).

Scientist 1. "Hey, when we make this next chapter, the one about patterns and all that crap, maybe we should start out by using the Snowflake Analogy."

Scientist 2. "That's a great one! Isn't it amazing how there are no two snowflakes alike, ever?!

Scientist 3. "Ya! I've never seen two of the same snowflake."

Scientist 1. "Neither have I."

Scientist 2. "Nor have I, so that means it must be true, we defintely should include the Snowflake Analogy!"

I think I've made my point abundantly clear. So if there is definitive proof that most snowflakes are almost exactly the same, then we must conlude that there are a bunch of children exactly the same too. When you see your kid make that cute scrunchy look with her nose, just remember, you're not alone.

I talked this one over with Peter, I was like "hey man, I don't want to like poach on your territory or anything, but there's this sweet movie coming out that I want to talk about!" Peter was like "It's you're blog dude, just do whatever you want, I don't give a..." Well I could kind of tell that this irratated him, but I know he doesn't like talking about movies until he's seen them, so I was like "Pete, you don't mind if I call you Pete right? I'm going to write about this movie whether you like it or not. You need to pull it together and realize other people have opinions too." Needless to say, he stomped off and I think he's still pouting, what's you going to do, right...

"Black Snake Moan" is a great idea. Hopefully the actual movie delivers on the promise of the trailer. Samuel L. Jackson picks up where his Jules Winfeild character from "Pulp Fiction" left off... An older man, living a quiet life in the rural south steps outside one day to find a troubled young woman in need of help. Perhaps the trailer gives too much away, but it sure seems like an original idea, and what better casting could you ask for?

My guess is that opening day, Peter will be at the theater, and soon thereafter you'll get some long winded review on how he was dissapointed because the lighting reminded him more of "Reservior Dogs" than "Pulp Fiction"... I'll be like "Get a life Pete, that movie was awesome, stop being such a square (as I draw a square with my two index fingers in the air).

Now I must warn you that this post may rub some of you the wrong way. Of course if I intended to make everyone happy I would be talking about puppies and springtime, so obviously your reaction to this blog is not really all that high on my list. Nevertheless, you are still reading at this point, so I will try to be as gentle as possible, just not to anyone who really likes Sandra Bullock. Actually, I don't really have anything against Sandra (I'm just going to call her Sandra from here on out because there's not really anything anybody can do to stop me). My gripe is more with her judgement in the choices of movies that she is making. Perhaps she really trusts her agent, and her agent is making these decisions, but ultimately Sandra must be held accountable. I just saw the DVD of "The Lake House" a few weeks ago, and just the other day I saw a trailer for "Premonition". In both movies she plays a character tangled in the web of time. In both movies she finds that time is not on her side. Now for all I know, "Premonition" is going to be the best movie of 2007, and Sandra's going to get her Oscar. I hope she does. Unfortunately I have already seen "The Lake House" and I have absolutely nothing nice to say about it. Well maybe I liked Sandra's character, and maybe it was nice to see Keanu and Sandra back together, since "Speed" was a fun movie, and their chemistry was good in that movie. Maybe I liked the,.. No! I'm not going to do this! This is neither the time nor the place to be writing commentaries on film. My point is that Sandra just made a movie about twists in time, and she shouldn't do more of the same. The only way this would work, is if it turns out to be part of a trilogy. In the third movie, Sandra finds that she has already made a movie about wrinkles in time, or has she really? Maybe this is her first movie about love seperated by eons, she just thinks she's already made two of them. It could take place while she's filming "While You Were Sleeping", and it's her who wakes up from the coma, to find herself... Well you get the point, I don't want to give away the ending. Now if she reads this, and takes a little bit of action, she'll get that Oscar.

Are there any original ideas?
Isn't everything we think
and say a product of an
enviornment that was
created by others?
Seriously, if we honestly
aknowledged all of our
sources, our citations
would far outweigh the
material itself.
Back in High School they
tried to teach us to use our
own words, why would
you use your own words
when someone else has
better words?
Johnny's in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kid
It's somethin' you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new friend
The man in the coon-skin cap
In the big pen
Wants eleven dollar bills
You only got ten
Maggie comes fleet foot
Face full of black soot
Talkin' that the heat put
Plants in the bed but
The phone's tapped anyway
Maggie says that many say
They must bust in early May
Orders from the D. A.
Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes
Don't try "No Doz"
Better stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You don't need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows
Get sick, get well
Hang around a ink well
Ring bell, hard to tell
If anything is goin' to sell
Try hard, get barred
Get back, write braille
Get jailed, jump bail
Join the army, if you fail
Look out kid
You're gonna get hit
But users, cheaters
Six-time losers
Hang around the theaters
Girl by the whirlpool
Lookin' for a new fool
Don't follow leaders
Watch the parkin' meters
Ah get born, keep warm
Short pants, romance, learn to dance
Get dressed, get blessed
Try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts
Don't steal, don't lift
Twenty years of schoolin'
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
They keep it all hid
Better jump down a manhole
Light yourself a candle
Don't wear sandals
Try to avoid the scandals
Don't wanna be a bum
You better chew gum
The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles

It's good to be Edwardo, and here's why: My mind is my own. Now I know what you're all saying, or thinking (hopefully you're not talking to yourself, but if there are others in the room I completely understand that you would be reading my blog aloud, as everyone would surely be interested to hear what I have written), you feel as though your mind is your own as well. I sense some doubt and hesitation in your response. Perhaps you even have some sort of ideological explination for not really thinking that your mind is your own, or maybe you truly are in denial and at this moment do believe that your mind is your own. I know better. You see, I was just at this new Sprite web site, now it doesn't really matter where I just was or what site it was, what does matter is that I'm here now, and so are you. The thing is, that even though we're both here (or all of us, if there are others listening to your narration), I am somewhere else as well. I mean while your mind is devoted to reading my blog, mine is off galavanting or something, perhaps I'm even sleeping right now. I may be the first person to realize that I can be at two places at one time, which only strengthens my case for my mind being my own. I feel saddened by the thought that most likely you will either sit and contemplate, or debate amongst those there with you about what I have said, but unfortunately I can not be there with you. You see, I'm somewhere else too right now, and I've got more important things to think about. Goodnight.

Being that this is my ninth blogging entry thing, I thought it would be fitting to comment on the number nine... How many times was Ferris absent in the past semester? Nine times! Nine times?... Nine times. Or, how about the song that begins "number nine, number nine, number nine..." I just recently listened to Revolution 9 for the first time, backwards. The last thirty seconds or so hint at what could have been an amazing Beatles song that as far as I know was never made, listen closely. Of course nine upside down is six, and six upside down is nine and so on and so forth, it's like a "magical" number or something... and get this, if you multiply nine by any other whole number, that sum will be divisible by nine... every time, seriously. Try it, you'll see.

I hope that the title to this posting is not misleading, if you find that it is, you are most probably an idiot and should take it as a sign not to blog anytime in the, well ever.

My Purpose in writing this post is this: I don't have the time anymore to read blog pages or any other web pages that are written by idiots. Isn't that what television is for? Seriously, if you went to Cental Park and saw some chipmunks playing with some squirrels over Spring Break, what makes you think that this is worthy to occupy cyberspace? Even worse than that, you took a digital picture of this "cute" display of nature, and then you posted links to an Alvin and the Chipmunks fanclub! Perhaps I don't really care what you do in the privacy of your own home, with your own time and your own digital camera, but the moment you make this information avaliable in the public domain, you risk me stumbling across it accidentally and wasting valuable seconds before I come to the realization that those seconds were completely wasted and I can never get them back.

So here's my solution: Next time you go to Cental Park, take a journal and a nice Polaroid camera. Write down everything you see, everything you smell, hear and feel. Take plenty of pictures and mark them "Memento" style. Tape the pictures cleanly into you journal and then immediately dispose of the journal in one of the many conveniently located trash receptacles there in Central Park. Then when you come home, pretend that the whole trip never happened, and try reading blogs and, well just get rid of you keyboard, it's too much of a temptation.

I don't generally take time to watch (even less to talk about) movies, but here is the link to what is quite possibly going to be the best movie ever... http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/nacholibre/internet_lg.html
Maybe it will just be the best movie this year, or maybe it'll be alright. Just watch the trailer already! Smurf out.

I'm too busy to actually design and build a time machine, but I have come up with a more practical approach. I had been thinking about this for a little while, then I saw Superman again recently and it just reaffirmed my idea. It all has to do with the rotation of the Earth and the International Date Line. If you were to go from east to west along the Equator, traveling just fast enough to go around the Earth in 24 hours, once you hit that dateline you're in yesterday. The only problem is that it took you 24 hours, so it's really just today again. But let's speed things up a little bit. Head the same direction, doubling your speed, go around the Earth in just 12 hours. Now you have gotten to yesterday halfway through the day. Ya, you've missed half of the day, but you get a whole extra half a day. And face it, the afternoon and evening is probably what you want to repeat anyways. It is also important to note that if you work your way closer to the North or South Pole, this trek around the Earth will go considerably faster. Of course this can work in reverse as well. Say that you are really looking forward to "Mission Impossible III" like I am. Just get on that plane and head from west to east, before you know it the Summer will be here and Tom Cruise will be kicking some... well I don't want to give anything away, but it's a sweet movie!

It was really just a trickle, but lo and behold, the people have spoken. Seriously though! Do you all think that a blog page is for holding your own personal conversations? Perhaps the first one or two responses to my previous blog had something to do with the blog, then you guys went off into never-never land! Here's an example:

Edwardo writes: I think that yellow is an underapreciated color, which tends to get a bad wrap due to a cetrain fluid that it is associated with... Discuss.

Ben Responds: (in the comment section) Yes Edwardo you are right on, I couldn't agree with you more, personally I like yellow and I painted my car yellow last weekend.

Nathan Replies: Cars are so coool, one day I'm going to buy a car.

Natedogg Replies: I was just outside and it's straight-up dark outside, what's up with that?!

Now, I must first say that I have absolutely no idea who Nathan is, and I think I know who Natedogg is, but that's a subject for a whole other blog. Do you get my point though? If you want to talk to someone you know, give him/her a ring. If you want to use up space on my blog page, read what I write, think carefully about what I've said, compose two or three rough drafts, and then if you truly think that you are worhty feel free to respond.

Now That's What I'm Smurfing Talking About...

No one seemd to get the smurfing point of my last smurf of a blog! What I'm smurfing trying to say is that "smurf" is one of those smurfy words that smurfing works wherever the smurf you want it to. As fans of the smurfing show might recall "smurf" is a a universal word. It can be used any smufing way you want to smurfing use it. Here is a good smurfing example:

Papa Smurf: Where the smurf are you off to Smurfette?

Smurfette: Well, I'm just looking to go the the park and have a smurfing good time with Brainy, alright Papa Smurf, and anyways, what the smurf do you care? You're not even my surfing "real dad" anyways!

As you should clearly smurfily see, "smurf" works in everyday conversation, and I'm sure all you smurfing nice readers will be using "smurf" as smurf often as possible.

Now, please make some smurfing comments!